Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting with Noel Janis-Norton

I am Noël Janis-Norton, a learning and behaviour specialist and the director of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting Centre in West Hampstead.

There are two ways to tackle any parenting issue. The usual way is to focus on what we should do after things go wrong. This approach doesn’t improve things very much. A better way is to think ahead and prepare for success. This approach prevents and minimises many of the typical, day-to-day problems.

These short answers to common problems cannot possibly address all the factors that may be contributing to it. For more in-depth recommendations please read my books.

1- How can I motivate my children to do their homework?

Children need an active break between school and homework. Otherwise it will feel to them like all they ever do is work. Once children have let off steam they are usually much more willing to sit down and tackle their homework and chores.

Children may believe that the only way they can relax is in front of a TV or computer. But screen time demotivates children. Make sure that electronics are a reward that comes after homework has been completed to your satisfaction. This is highly motivating for most children.

Manufacturers know how to make foods appealing to children: load them with sugar, salt and fat. Avoid these non-nutritious snacks. A healthy snack makes it much more likely that your child will be willing and able to concentrate.

Check out this video for more tips on homework https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TQ3NtdEGsM

2- How can I get my children to sit quietly and listen properly when I’m reading them stories at bedtime?

Don’t lecture, nag, cajole, bribe, threaten.

Do Prepare for Success with think-throughs at a neutral time, several times a day, by asking (not telling) him or her all about the reading activity:

• Who will be reading?
• Who will be listening?
• Where will you be sitting?

Do set a timer for five minutes to begin with, to reassure your child that he or she will not have to sit still for a very long time.

Don’t wait until your child behaves really well to praise him. That day may never arrive! Instead, be willing to Descriptively Praise tiny improvements. Remember that phrases such as “Well done”, and even “Good listening”, do not give the child much useful information.

Do simplify the text to make it more understandable and more interesting for your child. You can do this by:

• substituting more familiar vocabulary
• breaking a long, complex sentence into several shorter sentences
• repeating key sentences.

Do put lots of expression into your voice. An easy way to do this is to emphasise at least one word in every sentence.

Do point to the appropriate part of the picture as you read the relevant words and talk a lot about the pictures.

Do ask easy questions at first so that your child experiences the satisfaction that comes from understanding a question, answering it correctly, hearing your Descriptive Praise and seeing your pleased smile.

Do ask the same questions each time you read that book. Soon your child will be anticipating and answering the questions with obvious enjoyment.
Don’t ask any questions of a child who is not paying attention.

Do read the same story the next time, and start from the beginning all over again. Routines reduce resistance. Familiarity breeds acceptance and then eventually enjoyment.

Don’t have torn or drawn-on books around as that sets a negative example. Try to sound enthusiastic and excited whenever you are talking about books.

Don’t give up.

Check out this video for more information on Descriptive Praise https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIPEA8_PgUk

3- How can I get my child to stay in bed, instead of coming downstairs after bedtime?

Most children need more sleep than parents realise. Don’t make the mistake of putting children to bed too late, as they’ll get a second wind and will not be feeling tired. Be brave – put them to bed earlier!

Food is fuel for action. In order for children to feel tired by bedtime they usually need to have eaten all their food for the day, including snacks, several hours before. That gives them time to use up all that energy before bedtime.

Routines reduce resistance. Having the same bedtime routine, doing the same things in the same order, helps children relax into sleep.

One reason children play up at bedtime is for attention. Children do need our attention so it’s a good idea to schedule some one-on-one time with each child earlier in the day so that they will not be so tempted to misbehave at bedtime.

Paradoxically, telling children to try to sleep actually keeps them awake longer. The effort of trying makes them tense and keeps them from falling asleep. It’s better to tell your child that all she needs to do is lie still with her eyes closed and think about something nice. This will help her to relax, and she will drift off to sleep.